|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Ten Anonymous Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:
1. There's no way this can last forever. But god do I want it to.
2. There was once a time where all I could think about was you, you, you. I was dating other people, getting over you, even bonded with my boyfriend by hating you... but you were still sitting there, in the back of my mind, taking my face in your hands and kissing me. But GOD did I hate you.
but you came back and I wanted you more than ever, and I wanted your hands all over me and I wanted you to be MINE.
and now that's gone. It's all gone. I don't want you, in fact... I'm a little repulsed by you. You hurt me, and I was going to let you do that again.
and...I kind of miss thinking about you all the time. But I never will, not like that, again.
Please change, so you'll stop being the boy that broke the girl's heart.
but I guess you wouldn't be you anymore, would you?
3. You were mine, you were my everything. When I talked to you, it was like my parents never got in fights, and my siblings didn't hate me, and my grades were perfect, and I was going to live a happy, lovely life... That Monday was the worst day of my life until then. And then he tried to kill himself and I told you, because you were the only one I could tell. The only one who would care.
but you didn't. You didn't care. You never will. And now my life is divided into those on your side, and those on mine. My Freshman hates me, all my friends say "I told you so", my best friend is convinced I'm still in love with you, so there's no way she'll ever love me the way I love her.
...When I saw you at Kroger... I ran. I ran because I didn't know what else to do. I ran, and I cried. That's all I ever do. Run and cry. If things get too hard, I run and I cry. You've just built that little feature into me.
You're nothing but a creep. That's the icing on the cake. You're a creep. And I loved you.
I sat there and listened to the Flaming Lips, sobbing my worn heart out, and on the way home I spread out in the seat that was supposed to be for both of us.
You hurt me worse than anyone else in my life, and you're not even sorry. You're just ready to marr another girl's innocent heart.
4. Okay. Look. I love you, but I'm not on love with you. So stop it. When I come crying to you, looking for some profound strange advice (which you always have), I don't want to hear "well, I love you"... that doesn't make everything better. It makes it worse. It makes me feel like all you want from me is love. And it makes me so, so, so sorry that I can't feel the same way about you. I tried. Very hard, hun. I tried so hard to love you.
5. I hate you. I hate every inch of what you show. I know that someone inside your bleak, depraved soul there is good, but my GOD, you aren't letting anyone see it. It makes me sad and mad and disgusted to look at you. I don't WANT to be your friend, and I don't WANT to resolve things. The only answer is: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I. Hate. You.
And fuck you for thinking he doesn't deserve me.
Fuck you for trying to top everything I do.
Fuck you for saying I wasn't worth it, that yours was better.
Fuck you for calling me a slut.
You're SUCH a fucking hypocrite.
You say you follow Christ, but as soon as he shows any interest (AND says he doesn't like you like that), you take your shirt of and put your mouth on his peepee. Very Christian-like.
You HURT me, you stupid bitch. You made me CRY. I'm not just going to let that go.
You'll never make it. Promise. I fucking promise you, you are going to marry young with that "emotional heart" of yours, and have a ton of babies and never make it anywhere. America's Next Top Model? Fuck you. Fuck you for ever thinking anyone said you were pretty for any other reason other than wanting inside your too-small-for-you pants.
I used to feel bad about making fun of you with Robert and Brody and Chris, in Mrs. Clay's class. Now I realize I only felt bad because I was lying to myself, trying to convince myself to like you.
But I HATE you.
Our personalities don't "clash", I just hate you.
(The best part is: I would say all of this to your ugly face.)
6. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're great.
7. If you don't love him anymore, dump him. It's the nicest thing to do. Okay, yeah, you're going to go see him really soon. But are you more excited about seeing HIM, the sex, or just getting out of the fucking house?
You're 18, for Christsakes. 18-year-olds don't get married, I thought we knew that. Are you just making up for the fact that I never want to get married?
Look, we both know we're gonna live together. We're like sisters that actually get along. ...mostly. :] So what I'm saying isn't going to change that.
But fuck. I know you LIKE him. But do you really love him? I haven't heard you mention his name in months.
8. If you're real, prove it.
9. Jesus, you're beautiful. I love the way you move, and the way we talk and laugh and SING. But it's never been awkward, because I've always known it was impossible. But I love you, and if you weren't straight, I'd be in love. At least, I think I would be.
10. Crap. I think I like you.
Nine Things About Yourself:
1. I'm a vegetarian. Just because I'm a vegetarian, it doesn't mean I'm skinny or weird or will stare at you if you eat meat in front of you. I'm a NICE vegetarian. :] Sometimes, I forget that people think it's weird that I am.
But then Taylor Holmes laughs at me.
2. I don't know a lot about myself. And I don't believe anybody knows as much about themselves as they think they do. In fact, I don't think many people know much about themselves AT ALL.
3. I don't believe in god, but some of my best friends do, and that's okay.
4. I... don't think I'm a very good friends. Because I'm always losing friends. Or maybe it's because I get very attached to people, and they don't ... ever feel the same way. Or maybe it's because I don't have a car and am... basically lazy... so I never get to see them. And I never ask for things, so asking for a ride is usually out of the question.
5. I want to be famous, but I'm getting a teaching degree just in case. No one makes it for real anymore... There are no more Marilyns.
6. I'm nonchalant. I let a LOT go. A lot of things just aren't that big of a deal to me. It takes a lot of hurt to get under my skin. It takes a lot of mean, mean words to make me hate you.
7. Okay well... I can't stand stupid people. sryyy.
8. I like hugs. I like them a lot. And kisses. If the world hadn't of made it weird to kiss your friends when you want to, I would do it a lot. But I can't, so I like to hug!!
9. I miss George.
Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Just be you, and you'll win my heart somehow.
2. You don't need a list.
3. It doesn't matter WHAT you do.
4. It's usually just why you do it.
5. I don't have a type,
6. or a list of requirements.
7. You could be the least like me,
8. all you have to do is love me.
Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:
1. I'm a teenager, so sex. :]
2. My weight.
3. I wonder, a lot, if I look the same way to myself as I do to everyone else. Am I missing an arm or a leg, but my mind morphs my reality into thinking I'm basically normal?
4. Sometimes I think about the possibility of being born old, and getting younger. What would we do with the elderly fetuses? We would save a lot of grave space. And vaginas would have to be HUGE. and what if you gave birth to a baby? Would you cry over the little thing's head?
5. What would fish say, if they talked?
6. Why was I born going on 30?
7. God... I'm going to fail and be a senior again. I hate myself.
Six Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. I don't regret anything I've done.
2. Regret won't change what happened.
3. Just because things might not have gone the way I planned,
4. it doesn't mean I wish it hadn't happened.
5. Something good
6.comes from everything.
Five Turn Offs:
1. Smelling bad.
2. But other than that,
3. I don't
4. really
5. care.
Four Turn Ons:
1. Please. Please. Please. Smile.
2. Shoulderblades.
3. Don't be afraid to get close.
4. Just listen.
Three Smiley’s’ That Describe Your Life:
1. :]
2. :/
3. :%&%^#(
Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Have someone... anyone... mean it when they kiss me.
2. Meet someone who will remember me.
One Confession:
1. I'm not kidding... | | |
| it's my birthday.
hooraaaay.
no party.
no balloons.
I'm not that kinda gal.
I just want love!
it's the thought that counts.
so please, don't waste your money, just say happy birthday. Rider told me already that I got a lunch box.
what an asshole.
but I was searching for a lunchbox...
and I couldn't decide on my own which one to get.
there was a Willy Wonka one, and a Captain Spaulding one. and a Kermit one.
o_o I wonder which one it is...
CHLOE KNOWS.
she wrapped my presents...
hmm. I saw Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer last night.
Frances took me. <3
and she made me a tiny German Chocolate cake.
it was so cute!!
and a crown.
it is also cute!!
although my German Chocolate cake DID fall on top of me. ¬_¬
oh and I got to see Natali and Alfie! I haven't seen them in ages.
it was coolies.
me and nata said "oh no" at the same time.
NO ONE says "I'm so hot for you"! NO ONE. I should stop eating these chips. | | |
| "I am what became of your child. I found an old baby picture of me. And it was somebody else, not me. It was somebody pink and fat who never heard of sick or lonely, somebody who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and slept whenever she wanted to, just by closing her eyes. Somebody who mainly just laid there and laughed at the colors waving around her head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some new trick nearly every day, and rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand pulling my quilt back up over me. That's who I started out and this is who I left. That's what this is about. It's somebody I lost, all right, it's my own self. Who I never was. Or who I tried to be and never got there. Somebody I waited for who never came. And never will. So, see, it doesn't much matter what else happens in the world or this house, even. I'm what was worth waiting for and I didn't make it. Me...who might have made a difference to me...I'm not going to show up, so there's no reason to stay, except to keep you company, and that's...not reason enough because I'm not...very good company. Am I?" That's from Night Mother. Isn't it sad? I like it a lot. I wish we would do that show... well, no I don't... because Ms. Clay would probably pick Chelsea and Emily or something... just... people she likes more than she likes me. It's a two-person play, so... I wouldn't blame her. But I'll do this monologue for the scene show. Now all I need is a lipsynch or song... I want to sing, but no one else wants to sing with me... so I have to find a solo song. T_T Hard to do in musical theatre. | | |
| I am trying to be vegan for at least a week. Reason? Why do I need a reason? I want to see how hard it is, and I want to lose weight for homecoming. I am so tired. So Production has been really depressing lately. Everyone thinks I have a crush on David Guye and he's like the only guy I like but DO NOT have a crush on. And I "follow him around" because he's the only person who likes me in that stupid class. I said that to him, and still... gosh. Um, I should have done my homework. But I did not! ^3^ Oh welllz. I need to go shower, now. So goodnight. <3 PS: What is the link to Jade's Blog? I used to have it bookmarked, but do not anymore. | | |
| Wow, I haven't posted on this thing in a very very long time. So a lot of stuff happened today, hmm? Lazano getting beat up, Robert blacking out while giving blood, scooter-riding galore. Lol. Fun fun. Um. Lady Deathstar is sofa king awesome. And hot. I love my octopus layout that I made in like four minutes. I thought I had stuff to say, but I so do not. | | |
|
